


If I Stopped Lying I'd Just Disappoint You

by tebtosca



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-10
Updated: 2011-05-10
Packaged: 2017-10-19 05:59:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/197711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tebtosca/pseuds/tebtosca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen and his step-sister Danneel rule their haughty Upper East Side prep school through sexually laced machinations and deceit. Yet when a purity-ring-wearing basketball star transfers in, Jensen starts to wonder whether there is more to life than just the game.</p><p>(Based on Cruel Intentions)</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Stopped Lying I'd Just Disappoint You

It’s never enough.

“Was that okay, Jensen?” plush little Sandy McCoy asks, voice proud as she licks the random drops of come left on her fingers.

“Well,” Jensen starts, looking down at her in his lap with a bored expression. “You’re young. You have time for more practice.”

Her face falls and it’s the prettiest sight.

“Driver! Miss McCoy’s getting off here,” Jensen calls, rapping on the glass partition. The car pulls over immediately.

“But Jensen, I’m still five block—“

He opens the door and with a wave he’s scooting her out onto Fifth Avenue.

“Freshmen,” he mumbles, as the driver starts off again to the Ackles’ penthouse.

Not ten minutes later he’s strolling into the bedroom of his stepsister Danneel, student body president, soon-to-be valedictorian of Winchester Prep, and the most evil bitch he’s ever met. He’ll never admit it but he adores her.

Danneel Harris became his sibling the day her genteel mother Mrs. Harris Kane Manns Carlson decided to add an Ackles to the pile by taking Jensen’s obscenely wealthy widower father as her fifth husband. He hadn’t particularly wanted a sister, especially when being an only child paid so well, but what he ultimately got beyond that surprised even him. When Danneel curled up next to him at the reception and whispered “I bet I can make Reverend Edlund come faster than you can,” while rubbing her lips across his jawline, he realized he’d finally found someone who understood him for who he really was. She won the bet that day. He made it his duty to keep that from becoming a habit.

They were fourteen.

“So why was little orphan Julie walking out our front door?” Jensen asks, gracefully sliding onto Danneel’s canopy bed. “And with that wretched cousin of hers, no less.”

“Oh don’t be mean to poor Genevieve just because she beat you in the debate championships last year,” Danneel smiles, rubbing her hand through his hair in a completely patronizing manner.

“I’ll have you know I threw that round. Her partner Rosenbaum had the biggest dick I’ve seen since sophomore year,” he insists, swatting her hand away as she laughs knowingly.

“Out with it,” he prompts and she sighs a little a little before continuing.

“I need your help with something,” she starts, pouty mouth curved into what he thinks is supposed to be a beatific smile.

One eyebrow shoots up in response. “This have anything to do with that pale young thing that walked out of here earlier?”

The smile switched instantly to a snarl. “You remember how I was dating Tom Welling?”

“Dumb as a box of rocks but mouth built for blowjobs? That Tom Welling?”

“Yeah, well he might have….dumped me after I gave him the best night of his fucking life.” Her voice, usually so even-toned it was terrifying, simmers with rage. “And guess who he has supposedly fallen for instead?”

“The lovely Miss McNiven?”

“I suppose dead parents make one irresistible to rich meatheads with savior complexes.”

“Or maybe he just wanted a redhead whose drapes match the carpet.

She shoots him a death glare but continues. “So that’s where you come in. I can’t go after Welling himself because that could lead back to me. Heaven forbid anyone think their student body president is anything less than a saint. Of course I can’t control what my rascal of a brother gets up to, now can I?”

“And what exactly would I be getting up to?” Jensen inquires, propping himself up on one elbow to get a better look at her.

Danneel smiles again, eyes bright with mischief. “I think a nice deflowerment would be a start. And then maybe a few training sessions to help her….learn to show off what she knows.” Her face inches closer and he can feel her breath on him. “I set her up with a piano teacher that you can push her towards for extra mileage. He’s been useless so far but he’s totally hot for her. Bonus points there because Genevieve would hate it. He goes to La Guardia.”

“Public school. Tragic,” he shivers. His mouth is a centimeter away from hers and right before they are going to meet he pulls back and hops off the bed. “Sorry, I can’t help you.

“What?” she gasps, mouth open in an “O.”

“Danni,” he rolls his eyes with exaggerated exasperation. “Number one, it’s too easy. I have a reputation to uphold. And second, I have a much bigger conquest to concern myself with. My final and greatest triumph just in time for graduation.”

“Oh really, Jenny,” she says mockingly. “What would that be?”

Jensen lets the hated nickname slide and smiles with a weird excitement. “Jared Padalecki.”

“Transfers in and becomes captain of the basketball team overnight? That Jared Padalecki?”

“That’s the one.”

“The guy that ignores the fact that every girl and half the guys in school want to date him? That Jared Padalecki?”

“Am I speaking in tongues?”

“Jensen, he wears a purity ring, for god’s sake.” She’s laughing now.

He’ll shut her up soon enough. “Exactly, that just means he’s gay. Exhibit A: the Jonas Brothers.”

“Touché.”

He throws himself down on a nearby chaise and closes his eyes. “His parents are going on some mission trip or something ridiculous like that for the remainder of the semester and he is staying with my darling Uncle Jeff. Spring break starts tomorrow and I think it’s about time I spent some quality time with my family.”

Jeff Morgan is the basketball coach at Winchester Prep and Jensen’s only remaining relative on his mother’s side. He’s a good man and Jensen supposes he likes him about as much as he is capable of liking anyone. At the very least he knows Jeff would be happy to have him visit and spend a little time with him. An image of Jensen’s father flashes through his mind then and with it comes a bitter ache that he pushes down as deep as he can.

Danneel’s voice pulls his from his reverie. “It’ll never happen, Jensen. This one is too hard, even for you.”

His competitive streak flares inside of him, making his skin tingle. “Would you like to make that a bet?”

She doesn’t say anything as she slides gracefully off the bed and moves over towards him. Slowly she lowers herself onto him, straddling his lap. “Any terms I want?”

He curls his fingers around her hips and squeezes. “Any terms you want.”

Danneel leans forward, hands pressing against his chest. “If I win, then I get your beloved Impala.”

Jensen twitches minutely underneath her. His mint condition 1967 Impala belonged to his grandfather and is probably the only sentimental thing he owns. The gleam of impending triumph in Danneel’s eyes is enough to override it, however. “Fine. And if I win?”

She sinks even lower then, firmly pressing her mouth against his. There’s no heat behind it; it’s just a promise. “If you win, then you get to do what you’ve wanted to do since we were fourteen.”

“Any way I want?” he murmurs and he feels his dick harden in his pants underneath her.

“If you’re a good boy I might even bust out my harness.”

He stares down at her Maxim covergirl body and then back up at her kewpie doll face. She’s undeniably gorgeous and desirable but even better than that is imagining wiping that smug look off her face with his cock. That’s the part that gets him even harder.

“You’ve got yourself a bet.”

 

**********

 

Jensen pulls out the impala the next morning to drive up to his Uncle Jeff’s Georgian-style mansion in Westchester. It was built in the ‘20s and has been in the family for decades. He pulls the car into the long driveway and hops out, leaving the car right outside because he can. He pats her affectionately before bouncing up the stairs to the front door.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan was the younger brother of Jensen’s mother. He’s tall and good looking with a salt and pepper beard and a quiet charisma. When he was 20 he left the wealth and status of his family and joined the Marines, and eventually, the Special Forces. When Jensen’s mother and grandparents died in a plane crash he moved back to the family home, eventually taking a job at Winchester Prep as the basketball coach. Jensen supposes he did it to be close to him, as a show of support. It makes him uncomfortable sometimes, to know that his uncle probably cares about him more than his own father. Jensen doesn’t like to think about attachment at all.

His uncle has the confidence of old money and the ease of someone who could live without it. Jensen goes back and forth between thinking he’s a fool and envying him.

Jeff opens the door himself, because that’s the way Jeff is. He clasps a hand tightly to Jensen’s shoulder as a greeting, knowing that he doesn’t like to be hugged. The last time Jensen was hugged by someone not during sex was as a ten year old that had just lost his mother. Jeff had pulled him tight to his side, trying to comfort, to reassure. Jensen still remembers the scratch of his beard along the top of his forehead and the scent of his cologne. Sometimes smelling it again makes him sick with remembrance, so he tries never to get close enough to let it consume him.

“Come on in, Jensen. Lunch is in a half hour,” Jeff smiles warmly, ushering him into the house. “You know Jared right? He’s out back doing some drills.”

“We haven’t been formally introduced.” But I’ll know what his mouth looks like around my dick soon enough, he thinks smugly.

Jeff leads him out to the basketball court he had installed behind the house and Jensen takes a second to soak in the sight of Jared Padalecki in nothing but basketball shorts. The boy is tall for his age and built from lean muscles currently shining with sweat from exertion and the abnormally warm spring day. Drops of it curl down his shoulder blades and weave their way into the tantalizing dip where his tailbone connects to his ass. Jensen is half hard just imagining his tongue lapping it up before biting down on that very spot.

Jared hears them approach and turns around, shaking his shaggy chestnut hair out of his face. His bangs lie sticky on his forehead and Jensen has a strange urge to reach out and push them aside. Jared smiles brightly when he sees Jeff, his cheeks sinking into two deep dimples that frame his mouth like bookends. The boy is ridiculously beautiful and Jensen feels an overwhelming need to fuck him right there on the blacktop, Jeff be damned.

“Hey Jared, have you met my nephew Jensen?” Jeff introduces them. Jared turns to him and for a split second his face hardens before schooling itself into blandness. Jensen isn’t happy about that but figures he can find out what it means later.

“I don’t think we have any classes together but I’ve seen you around,” Jared replies politely, reaching out to shake his hand.

Jensen takes it, rubbing his thumb against Jared’s wrist as he pulls away, causing him to twitch minutely. There we go. “I’ve seen you too, of course. Captain of the basketball team just like that, very impressive.”

Jared smiles proudly like he can’t resist before flushing a little and putting his head down. “Jeff’s a great coach. I’m glad he recruited me to Winchester.”

“And we’re glad to have you, Jared,” Jeff grins, before smacking Jensen on the back once more. Jensen just keeps himself from rolling his eyes. “Jensen, why don’t you play some pickup with Jared and I’ll call you boys when lunch is done.”

“Sure thing,” Jensen smiles blandly and Jared snorts. Jensen shoots him a glance, but Jeff doesn’t notice and takes off back towards the house.

“You don’t play basketball,” Jared says; a statement, not a question.

Jensen looks down at his pressed slacks and button-down shirt and then back up at Jared. “How did you guess?”

Jared laughs then, but it’s quick and he pulls it back like he didn’t mean to. Something is up and Jensen’s mind tries to calculate just what it is. Jared flushes again when he realizes he’s half naked and rushes over to pull on a t-shirt.

“You didn’t have to do that on my account.”

That laugh again. “I’ve heard about you, Jensen.”

Jensen frowns, not liking the turn of this non-conversation. “Is that so? What exactly have you heard about me, Jared?”

Jared turns around and looks him straight in the eye, holding his gaze. “Let’s just say that you probably wouldn’t be flattered by most of it.”

“Perhaps your sources are mistaken.”

“I think my sources are just fine.”

Jensen walks briskly over to the nearby table and flops himself down. He motions towards the open book sitting on the tabletop. “Studying chem on spring break, huh? Such dedication. I had old Beaver last semester. Real fucking ball breaker.”

Jared looks momentarily stunned at the quick shift in topic, but goes with it. He sits down at the table and pulls the book towards himself, eyes still wary. “Yeah, he’s tough. I guess not everyone can be as easy as Gamble in English Lit though, right?”

Jensen smirks. “Yeah, Gamble is easy alright.”

Jared’s eyes narrow briefly at the innuendo but then he shrugs and stays silent.

Someone is filling Jared’s head with lies (ok truth, most likely) about him and he has to figure it out quickly. Chad, maybe? They seem to be close and are on the team together. Jensen brushes that off quickly when he remembers that he has pictures of Chad on his knees with his annoying mouth around Misha’s dick from junior year. Fucking Murray wouldn’t dare speak out against him knowing the repercussions. No, it had to be someone else.

“So how do you like New York? Pretty different than Texas I would imagine,” Jensen starts, easing himself out of his revenge schemes.

Jared looks startled that Jensen knows that much about it. “Yeah, the winter sure was an adventure. I’m usually hot so wearing a coat that heavy was a new one.”

Jensen bites down on his bottom lip to keep himself from saying something nasty to that. Jared’s eyes flicker briefly to his mouth and Jensen starts teasing it with his teeth just to get a reaction. A slight blush rises over Jared’s cheeks and Jensen is pleased to see that whoever the hell is talking about him can’t overcome the sheer fact that he is fucking hot.

“Lunch is ready, boys!” Jeff breaks the mood then, coming towards the table carrying platters of sandwiches and fruit salad. A plastic bottle of Coca-Cola is tucked under one arm and Jensen chuckles to himself. The only coke he’s used to is what goes up Danneel’s right nostril.

“Looks great, Uncle Jeff,” Jensen beams and he can sense Jared staring at him. He licks his bottom lip again for good measure and sees the boy flinch in his peripheral vision.

“Well Jensen, since you don’t look like you broke a sweat in those fancy clothes of yours, I’m taking it that you didn’t play while I was inside,” Jeff teases, piling food onto plates for each of them.

“Yeah, next time a little warning would be good,” Jensen smiles, picking at a strawberry with his fork. “We were talking about chemistry class. I was surprised that Jared was studying on break.”

Jeff raises an eyebrow at Jared. “Actually, Jared might need some help in Chemistry. Mr. Beaver mentioned something last week, thought I was working him too hard. Now that the season is done he can concentrate on his studies.”

“Coach!” Jared whines, blushing to the roots of his hair. It somehow makes him even more adorable.

“Jared, don’t be silly and let your pride get in the way. Jensen is an exceptional student. Miss Gamble raves about him every time she sees me,” Jeff insists, voice softening a bit as he pats Jensen’s forearm. Jared rolls his eyes at that last sentence and Jensen grins.

“Any time, Jared. I’d be more than happy to help you. In fact, Uncle Jeff, I was wondering if you mind if I stayed over for a few days. I haven’t seen you in so long and I could help Jared out while I’m here.”

Jeff seems happy about the request and Jared’s face is caught between mortified and….yeah, that’s definitely interest.

They chat amiably as they eat and then Jensen excuses himself for a moment to make a phone call.

“Misha, it’s me. I need a favor,” Jensen nearly barks into his iPhone, remembering how pissed off he is. Misha Collins is, for lack of a better word, Jensen’s minion. And completely in love with him, but that is neither here nor there.

“How can I resist such dulcet tones?” Misha laughs and Jensen pictures him stretching out on his bed and palming himself at the mere sound of his voice.

“You know Murray, right?”

“Mouth like a Hoover, how could I ever forget.”

“I need to find out who is bad mouthing me to Jared Padalecki. Murray is his closest friend at Winchester, so use whatever means necessary to get this information.”

“Your wish is my command…any wish Jensen, seriously,” Misha sighs heavily.

“Maybe on graduation night, huh big boy,” Jensen purrs and it’s enough to keep Misha satisfied for the time being.

Jensen shuts his phone off and looks back at Jared sitting at the table. He’s sucking juice from a kiwi off his fingers and Jensen groans. This is going to be the most satisfying bet he’s ever won.

**********

“I’m in,” Jensen announces through the phone line, not even bothering to say hi.

“In what, Jared? Already? I’m impressed.” Danneel’s voice drips with amusement.

“You’re hilarious. No, that other little matter you asked me about. I will train your ginger orphan into the best little sex toy on the Upper East Side.

Danneel pauses for a second. “What changed your mind?”

“Turns out that her darling cousin Genevieve is the one who’s been telling Jared what an awful human being I am.”

“Oh yeah, she thinks he’s just dreamy. Did I forget to mention that?”

“You are a bitch and if your tits weren’t so magnificent I’d be hanging up right now.”

“They are nice, right? Well dear brother, knowledge is power or whatever cliché you want to run with. Now, if I can get little Julie over here to the house for a, shall we say, slumber party, will that suffice?”

Jensen looks back at Jared swimming laps in Jeff’s Olympic sized pool. “Give me two more days here and then I’ll come back for the night. Prep her for me.”

Danneel laughs wickedly. “Oh I’ll do my best.”

Jensen grins despite himself. “I bet. Two days, sis.”

He ends the call and throws the phone onto the lounger under the umbrella near the pool. He spends a moment just staring at a half naked Jared slicing through the water, his muscles working like a machine. His entire body is like poetry and Jensen wants to trace his fingers over it like it’s written in Braille.

Ugh, Jensen thinks suddenly. When the fuck did I get so sentimental? I need a blowjob.

They’ve spent the last few days studying Chemistry (boring beyond all measure), swimming in the pool (well, Jared swims and Jensen hides under the umbrella because, hello, freckles) and playing basketball (Jared plays and Jensen watches him and curses his hard-on). There are moments when they get to a certain comfort level and then Jared gets a phone call or email and it’s right back to wary suspicion. Jensen had amped up his instructions to Misha and Chad had sung like a canary about Genevieve Cortese and her mission to fuck up his sex life.

Jensen grits his teeth in anger before realizing that in a few days he will have his revenge. Vengeance always brings a smile to his face, so he’s beaming when Jared pulls himself out of the pool and strides wet and ridiculous over to him.

“What are you so happy about?” Jared asks, bemused.

“Why wouldn’t I be happy? It’s a beautiful day, there’s no school, I’m at my beloved uncle’s house, and I have such scintillating company,” Jensen smirks, tossing Jared a bottle of water.

Jared gulps it down and Jensen watches his Adam’s apple bob up and down. Water drips down his neck and he shakes his head like a puppy to get rid of the excess. Some of it splashes on Jensen and Jared laughs gleefully. Jensen tries to pout but it’s futile.

“What are you really doing here, Jensen? Shouldn’t you be off jet-setting somewhere? Spending money and having indiscriminate sex with other minors?” Jared inquires, eyebrow cocking. He flops down on the chair next to Jensen and stretches out languidly.

“I’m hurt that you think of me that way! Whoever is filling your head with this nonsense must just be jealous of my popularity, sincerity, and excellent GPA,” Jensen replies, batting his eyelashes for effect as Jared guffaws.

“Yeah, I’m sure that must be it.” Jared stops laughing then and just looks at him. It only lasts a moment before he’s slipping his sunglasses on and flopping his head back.

“So Jared,” Jensen tries a different track. “How come I never see you with any of those pretty little blondes that follow you around like love-sick puppies? I swear I saw Katie Cassidy writing ‘Mrs. Katherine Padalecki’ in her notebook in Government last week. There might even have been hearts around it, I couldn’t quite see.”

The sun is bright but he can still see the blush crawl down Jared’s bare clavicle. Jensen wants to press his palm to it just to see how hot his skin is. Jared strokes the silver band around the ring finger of his left hand and Jensen bites his lip in amusement.

“I’m not really interested in that kind of stuff. Just want to play ball and graduate so I can go to Stanford and start my life.” He holds up his hand almost as an afterthought. “And, you know, this. Purity is important.”

Jensen has to grasp his own thigh to keep from cackling. “To you or your parents?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it does, Jared. You must have things that you want, just because you want them. Things you think about.”

Silence lingers then, a little uncomfortably, before Jared finally replies. “I mean, sure. I guess there are things I want. Things I probably shouldn’t.”

Jensen pushes his sunglasses up his forehead to meet his gaze dead on. “If it’s something that would make you happy then it can’t be a bad thing.”

Jared’s cheeks are pink but he keeps looking at him. “I’m sure you do lots of stuff that you want and I bet half of it doesn’t make you happy.”

Jensen tore his eyes away then and it’s his turn to blush. Fucking fair skin. “We weren’t talking about me, were we?”

Jared’s voice grows more confident. “Maybe we should be. I’m not stupid, Jensen. I know you don’t want to spend your spring break teaching me chemistry. I just wish I could figure out why you’re bothering.”

“I like you, Jared. You’re not like the rest of the spoiled brats we go to school with. Is it so hard to believe that I like spending time with you?” Jensen’s voice is as sincere as he can make it and it’s a minute before he realizes that he actually means every word. Huh.

Silence again, but it’s less tense than before and Jensen puts it in the win column.

“Want to go play Guitar Hero?” Jared asks softly.

“I….don’t even know what that is. But, sure?” Jensen laughs.

Jared grins, dimples out, and it makes Jensen’s stomach hurt. “I’ll teach you. And then I’ll kick your ass. Deal?”

Jensen rolls his eyes but Jared is already taking off towards the house, long legs pumping. “How could I refuse?”

 

**********

“Any news on the orphan since I’ve been gone?” Jensen inquires, coming into the living room where Danneel is spread out on the sofa. He snatches a strawberry from the plate in front of her and pops it whole into his mouth.

“Hello to you, too,” she replies, smacking his hand half-heartedly. “Slowly but surely it’s coming along. I supervised a visit from her piano teacher this weekend and they mooned at each other pathetically the entire time. I’ve been pushing her towards ‘expressing her feelings’ which of course will mean ‘many blowjobs’ when you get done with her.”

“And on the Welling front?”

“He’s invited her up to their house in the Hamptons next weekend, so you need to act fast. Genevieve is chomping at the bit to get in good with one of the old money families, and I guess she figures Julie’s her best shot.”

“Nouveau riche are so tacky,” Jensen sympathizes, stealing another strawberry but rubbing it against Danneel’s lips instead. She opens her mouth and bites down with a smile.

“She’s going to be here any minute so give me an hour with her and then make an appearance. Sound like a plan?”

“At your service,” he agrees, heading towards his room to kill time. He picks his cellphone on a whim and calls Jared.

“Jensen? Didn’t I just see you a few hours ago?” Jared answers, obviously amused.

“I had a bad dream in the car and need your voice to calm me down. I was so scared, Jared!” his voice trembles with Oscar-worthy woobification.

“Ah, it’s okay, Jen. Dr. Padalecki will kiss it and make it feel better, promise.”

“This is flirting, you’re aware of that, right? Just want to point it out so I can repeat it when you pretend you don’t like me.”

“Never said I didn’t like you, Jensen. Just that I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you. Of course, I could probably throw you pretty far, actually.”

“First flirting, and now threats of manhandling! I knew you had it in you all the time, Dumbo!”

Jared snorts and Jensen grins because he can picture it clear as day even over the phone.

“Are you coming back tomorrow?” Jared asks, voice quieter then.

“Miss me already?”

“Nah, Jeff’s just too good at Guitar Hero and I want to keep my victory count up.”

“Liar.”

“Hello Pot, I’m Kettle.”

“I’m hanging up now, Jared. Try not to dream about me too many times tonight.”

“You suck, dude, you know that?”

“I’m sure you’ll find that out sooner or later.”

Jensen hangs up before Jared can answer and pumps his fist in an entirely dorky way that he will deny even to himself for as long as he lives.

He spends the next hour lying in bed imagining all the different positions in which he can fuck Jared. It leaves him just horny enough to go do his duty with the orphan. He pushes down his erection hastily so he doesn’t scare the poor child.

“Julie, you look ravishing tonight,” Jensen coos, bringing her limp hand to his lips.

Julie looks startled and lets out a high pitched squeak. “Hi Jensen.”

“Julie, sweetie, I need to make a few phone calls. Jensen will entertain you until I’m back, ok?” Danneel says sweetly, petting the girl’s shiny red hair as maternally as she can manage.

Her bright green eyes get as big as saucers as Danneel walks out of the room and Jensen slides next to her on the sofa. “Having a nice night, Julie? Danneel treating you well?”

“Danneel is wonderful,” Julie replies shyly, but she can’t hold back a toothy smile.

“I know, right?” Jensen smirks, just barely managing to hold back a sarcastic response. “What were you two talking about?”

Julie’s slim shoulders tremble a bit. “Oh, nothing really. She’s just helping me learn to talk about my feelings.”

“Your feelings, huh. That sounds serious.” Jensen slips on arm around the back of the couch behind her.

“There’s…well there’s a boy I like.” Her voice shakes and she looks down at the hands in her lap.

“Tom Welling?” Jensen prompts, knowing he’s wrong.

She looks back up at him and blushes as scarlet as her hair. “Um, no, not Tom. I mean, Tom’s really nice and everything and Genevieve says I should be with someone that is ‘not like that heathen Jensen Ackles’—“ She stops and claps a hand to her mouth as she realizes what she just said.

Jensen can’t hold back a laugh. Of course. “What does it matter what Genevieve wants?”

Julie looks at him like he’s crazy. “My parents died last year and Genevieve and my aunt and uncle are the only family I have left. And Gen is so smart and kind…I mean, she’s really bossy most of the time and I really wish that she wouldn’t make Jake feel bad about going to public school….”

“Is Jake your piano teacher? That’s the boy you like, isn’t it?” Jensen prods, gently resting a hand on her shoulder.

Her eyes twitch to where his hand rests on her but she doesn’t pull away. “Yeah, Jake is so amazing. He, he, well he treats me like a normal person, you know? He doesn’t feel sorry for me or tell what to do. I miss that sometimes.”

“Julie, will you let Danneel and I help you? I think you and Jake would probably be really good together and it’s not fair that outside sources are keeping you apart.”

She looks utterly shocked at his offer but nods her head slightly. “Um, that would be really great, Jensen. You…you’re not as horrible as Genevieve says.” Bright red. “I’m really sorry for saying that again.”

He strokes her hair then, face schooled into its most sympathetic expression. “It’s ok Julie, what Genevieve doesn’t know can’t hurt her.”

He shifts a teeny bit closer. “I’m going to kiss you now, Julie.”

“What?” she squeaks, almost throwing herself off the couch.

“You want to learn how to be good for Jake right? Public school kids are lot more experienced than us private school kids. They have to grow up a lot faster, you know.”

She seems to absorb that but keeps her distance from him. “I want to be good for him.”

“Then come back over here and let me kiss you. Just once, okay?”

“Um, okay maybe.” She’s mumbling now and her skin is radiating heat, but she shifts back next to him.

He tips her back with one finger until she flops on her back on the sofa. “Just relax, Julie. It’s just a kiss. It won’t hurt.”

She looks terrified, but lies there anyway. She gasps when he slips one hand under her skirt and pushes it up to her waist. “You said a kiss!”

He bends down and traces his nose along the seam of her white cotton panties. “Yes, a kiss. I didn’t say where though.”

Before she can protest too thoroughly her panties are being pushed aside and his tongue is lapping the hard nub of her clit.

“Oh my god,” she moans, covering her face with both her hands in a mixture of embarrassment and newly experienced pleasure. It takes her about two and half minutes to come and shakes so hard she falls off the couch.

Jensen rolls his eyes as he maneuvers her between his legs. She is on the floor after all, might as well go with it. “Ok, beautiful, next lesson.”

 

**********

 

Spring Break ends and they go back to school. Jensen starts spending his weekends up at Jeff’s house and he and Jared fall into a comfortable friendship. Danneel mocks him mercilessly about closing the deal but he’s realizing that slow and steady is the way to win this race. It helps that he finds himself genuinely enjoying his time with Jared and although it confuses him he figures it’s just due to the anticipation of finally having all that gorgeousness spread out and begging underneath him.

A month later Jeff surprises them with a request one early Saturday morning as Jared eats a bowl of Lucky Charms and Jensen picks at a croissant. They had stayed up late playing those wretched video games Jared is so fond of and both their faces were sleep worn and creased.

“So boys, the Westchester Animal League is having an adoption drive today and I want you guys to come with me,” Jeff announces, downing his second cup of coffee as he stands at the breakfast bar.

Jared’s face lights up like it’s Christmas and Jensen groans internally. “Of course we’ll help, Coach! Are there dogs? Please tell me there are dogs!”

“There are way too many dogs, Jared,” Jeff chuckles, rubbing his bed-messy head affectionately.

Jared beams at Jensen and he can’t deny it melts some of the qualms he has about the idea of being drooled on by a mass of dirty beasts. “Sure, Uncle Jeff. We’d love to help.”

Jeff grins at them, his handsome face lighting up. “Good! Get your asses together, we’re leaving in twenty minutes.”

They head over to the shelter and, as Jensen suspected, it’s a teeming ménage of wild animals that are likely carrying diseases and ready to attack at any moment. Jared looks happier than when he scored that three-pointer to win the game against Campbell Prep in the semi-finals. Not that Jensen was there or anything. Well okay, he was, but it had been a favor to Misha for finding Danneel a more reliable coke dealer than Clif the janitor.

An hour later, Jensen is sweaty and covered in dog hair, but Jared has spontaneously touched him in his excitement at least twelve times so it’s moderately worth it. Jared is off playing with a dog almost as large as he is so Jensen wanders over to one corner of the center in the shade near some trees. He huffs in frustration, more for himself than anyone around him, and drops down onto the stump of a tree. Suddenly a weird mutt-looking creature starts walking up to him, head drooping shyly. Jensen’s eyes flicker around frantically and he wonders if running will make the beast chase him. He might be in good shape but it’s hard to run in loafers.

“Who let you out of your cage?” he hisses at the dog, whose ears perk up. “Oh god, you are a stupid one, aren’t you? Promise me you won’t bite the face. I have to work with what God gave me and that’s number one on the list.”

The dog lumbers over to him and collapses across Jensen’s lap. His huge tail thumps in excitement as he nuzzles against Jensen’s side and tries to force his hand into rubbing his belly. Jensen is aghast but stangely no longer afraid.

“I don’t like creatures. Go play with the tall guy over there, he loves them,” Jensen mumbles and he almost smacks himself when he realizes he’s talking to a dog. It looks up at him with huge liquid brown eyes and floppy ears and it reminds him so much of Jared that Jensen can’t resist stroking his head. The dog makes a weird sound that resembles the motor of the Impala but is likely just a sign of encouragement. Jensen figures he’s trapped by the humongous body anyway and keeps stroking mindlessly. It’s almost soothing and before long he leans back against the tree and drifts quickly asleep.

“Jensen,” Jared’s hushed voice pierces through him as he feels himself being shaken gently. “Jen, c’mon man, wake up.”

Jensen opens his eyes to see Jared crouching next to him, face only a few inches away. If he leans forward just a little bit he can....The creature still on his lap yips happily.

“What the fuck?” Jensen grumbles, blinking his eyes a few times as Jared laughs and strokes the mangy thing lovingly.

“You fell asleep with Harley on your lap! It’s kind of the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, not gonna lie,” Jared straight up giggles.

“Who the fuck is Harley?” Jensen murmurs, still too asleep to feign politeness.

The beast yelps as if he recognizes his name. “This is Harley. He’s the most awesome dog here and Coach is going to adopt him today. Isn’t that amazing? He’s going to come home with us!”

Jensen takes a minute to bask in the word “home” followed by “us” in that last statement before realizing what Jared actually said and making a face. Jared just laughs again.

“You know, they say that dogs are excellent judges of character.” Jared looks at him with something akin to fondness and Jensen almost blushes. Almost.

“Better judges than self-righteous debate team captains with too much time on their hands?”

Jared looks startled for a moment but then he smiles. “Yeah, better than them.”

Jensen regains his smirk. “Well then, maybe Harley isn’t so bad after all.”

 

**********

“Do you think—” huff “—Jake is gonna like—” gasp “—this way? I mean I can’t even—” groan “—see you like this.”

“Yes, Julie, Jake will like it just fine, trust me,” Jensen sighs, glancing up from his text messages at the totally-not-a-virgin-anymore girl riding him reverse cowgirl style.

“Thanks for—” grunt “—teaching me so many—” squeal “---awesome positions.”

“You’re welcome. Faster now, kitten.”

She bounces like she’s on an inflatable castle as he types out a quick message to Jared. He shuts off the phone, grabs her hips and with three quick jabs fills the condom. That done, he pulls her slight body off him and flips her back on the bed.

Her skin is as red as her hair and she purrs like a contented cat as he finishes her off quickly with two fingers and a thumb on her clit. He pulls off the condom and ties it off before tossing it at the trashcan by the nightstand.

His phone buzzes with Jared’s reply and he rolls away from her to get it.

“Who’s that?” Julie inquires curiously, trying to crawl over him to see his phone.

“None of your business,” he blocks the screen, shrugging her off him.

“Totally Jared, right? Is he your boyfriend?” Julie asks slyly, like she’s smart for figuring it all out.

Jensen grimaces. “Yes, it’s Jared but he’s not my boyfriend. You are such a child sometimes, Jesus.”

“Wasn’t a child a few minutes ago when I was riding your cock.”

Jensen smiles. Her language has definitely improved. Danneel will be ecstatic.

“You were still a child, just a very enthusiastic one.”

“Jensen,” Julie whispers, rubbing circles around his bare hip. “Do you think Jake loves me like you love Jared?”

“I don’t love Jared, shut up,” he says through gritted teeth.

Her fingers trail farther down his leg until they reach around to fondle his quickly hardening cock. “You totally love Jared, don’t be dumb. Everybody sees it.”

He bristles at that, the idea that the whole school is talking about him in a way that makes him sound weak and out of control. He doesn’t say another word as he grabs her by the hair and pushes her face into his erection. She squeals a bit at the lingering taste of latex as he forces her jaw wider.

He needs to finish this now. This was supposed to be his greatest triumph, the pièce de résistance. He’ll be damned if he’s going out like a pussy when he’s so fucking close to victory. He drowns out the choking sounds as he floods her mouth with come and thinks about his soon-to-be prize.

**********

Jared cackles gleefully as Harley knocks Jensen onto his ass. The big mutt whacks him in the stomach a few times with his tail before running off to destroy some more of Jeff’s property.

The shit I put up with for some ass, Jensen fumes, brushing himself off as he sits up. He looks up at Jared, blocking the glare of the sun with one hand. The boy is looming over him, long body reaching towards the sky. He leans down to help him up, but Jensen figures it’s now or never and grips his hand to pull him down instead. With a grunt Jared falls half on top of him and Jensen takes advantage of their position to roll his hips upwards.

Jared gasps a little and rolls sideways, back to the slightly damp grass. He’s breathing heavy and his eyes are squeezing shut like he’s trying to gather himself.

Jensen doesn’t give him chance to think and rolls over to press his face into Jared’s neck. The skin is as warm as a furnace and Jensen can smell sweat and grass and aftershave. Jensen’s hand curls itself in Jared’s messy hair as he licks a stripe up his throat, dying to taste that scent. He rolls his pelvis down against Jared’s rapidly hardening cock and bites down lightly right at the bottom of his ear.

Jared groans and his hands grip Jensen’s shoulders like a lifeline. Jensen slips the hand not clutching Jared’s locks down between their bodies until he’s gently kneading Jared’s hard-on through denim. Quick roll of heads and then they’re kissing, slotting together after a few moments of clacking teeth as they find just the right angle. It’s wet and desperate, too much spit and need mixing together. Jensen’s hand cups and squeezes and Jared shakes as he pushes into it. It lasts for what seems like a lifetime until Jared is suddenly pushing him off and crawling away like his legs won’t hold him. He’s panting, breath a frantic wheeze and he’s not looking at Jensen.

“Jared,” Jensen breathes, his entire body tingling like he stuck a finger in a light socket.

“Jensen, I can’t, I just can’t,” Jared’s voice breaks, his hands clutching the grass so hard his knuckles are white.

Jensen crawls closer but doesn’t touch him. “Why not? How could feeling like this possibly be a bad thing?”

Jared looks over his shoulder at him and a stab of guilt rushes through Jensen at the wrecked look in his eyes. “Jensen, you mess me up so much. School’s almost over, I think I have everything planned out and then you show up.”

Jared’s lips are spit-swollen and red and Jensen flushes with pride that he made them that way. “I’m not so bad, Jared. I’m just like you. All mixed up.”

Jared’s eyes glaze over as Jensen traces one palm over his cheekbone. “Jensen, you walk in here so stupidly beautiful that it makes me question what the hell I even want in life.”

Jensen’s been called beautiful his whole life. Hell, it’s practically his entire identity. Yet no one has ever called him that with a look of such reverence and it makes him ache.

Just as he’s reaching in for another kiss, a slow one, a real one, Jared pulls back and jumps up. “I can’t, I’m sorry, I just can’t do this,” he mumbles, running back towards the house.

 

**********

Jensen leaves Jared alone through dinner, lying in the room Jeff always holds for him when he visits. He tries to sort through the mixed emotions from earlier in the day, reconciling the adrenaline of the competition with the very real visceral pull he felt when his lips first met Jared’s.

Either way, it’s time to end the charade.

He knocks on Jared’s bedroom door and waits a beat. He can hear Jared rustling on the other side and knows that he’s stalling. Finally, however, he pulls open the door and gestures for him to come in.

“Hey Jensen, I’m sorry about before,” he starts, voice quiet.

Jensen cuts him off before he can say another word. “I can’t be here anymore, Jared.”

Jared’s eyes open wider and he looks slightly confused. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t be near you every day and not be with you. It hurts me, Jared, you hurt me.”

Jared opens his mouth and then closes it again, like he can’t find the words.

“You’re a coward, Jared. You feel the same way I do and you know it. I can’t stand to have you in front of me and not touch you, not kiss you. How can you stand it, Jared? How do you lie to yourself every single day?” He pauses for effect. “So I’m going to go back to the city in the morning and I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I’ll stay away from you, give you what you want. Give you your safe little life without someone as awful as me in it.”

Jensen turns around and heads back towards the door, praising himself internally for the way his voice shook with emotion. And if half of it is true, well, that is unavoidable.

“Jensen, wait,” Jared cries, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling him back.

Jensen doesn’t look at him. “What, Jared? Why should I stay when you so obviously don’t want to be with me?”

Within seconds, Jared spins him around and their lips are meeting again. Blood rushes straight to Jensen’s cock as Jared holds his face in those gigantic hands and caresses his tongue slow and deep with his own.

“Jared,” he murmurs, tangling his hands in Jared’s t-shirt as they walk backwards towards the bed, their mouths never parting.

Jared breaks the kiss for a moment to sit down on the bed. Looking at Jensen with huge, wet eyes he pulls off his shirt and then stills. His body is tan and beautiful, yet a fine layer of goosebumps cover his arms, from fear rather than cold. Jensen steps between his legs and leans down to kiss him again, softly, just a press of lips on lips. Jensen slips his hands in Jared’s hair and tugs his head back gently, wanting to see the slope of his throat presented to him. Jared eyes flutter and he grasps his own thighs with his nails.

Just as Jensen is reveling in the sensation of pushing him back on the bed, Jared whispers “hang on” and starts pulling off the silver band on his ring finger. His hands are shaking like a leaf and there is a moment when Jensen catches a look of terrible sadness cross his face. A sadness that should never, ever be on a face so beautiful.

It’s all wrong.

Jensen stands back up, dragging a hand down his flushed face. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean?” Jared replies, his face a mass of confusion and vulnerability.

Jensen doesn’t know what he means. His prize is there right in front of him, inches away, spread out like a naked and willing present. And all he knows is that he just can’t do it. Not like this.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen repeats dumbly as he rushes out of the door and slams it behind him leaving a stricken Jared sprawled out on the bed.

 

**********

Jensen is up early the next morning, lying in bed and berating himself over his moment of weakness the night before. He’s pushing a pillow to his face and mumbling “fucking pussy” repeatedly as Danneel prances in, perky as a cheerleader with a coffee IV.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Jensen groans from beneath his pillow.

“What? I can’t come visit darling Uncle Jeff? ” she huffs, feigning annoyance. “Speaking of, what a delicious man that is. Remind me to take him out for a ride when I’m done writing my valedictorian speech.”

“Can we keep your vagina out of this conversation?”

“Well that depends, doesn’t it? Did you consummate your relationship with the tall one yet?”

Jensen is silent beneath the pillow.

“Hmmm, can’t hear you,” she trills, lying down next to him on the bed and propping herself on one elbow.

He pulls the pillow away from his face but can’t look at her. “I couldn’t do it. He offered. Was lying there on the bed and I…I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t the right time."

Her face freezes, hard as stone. “Not the right time. You had a chance to fuck him and you stopped because it was not the right time.”

Jensen frowns. “It doesn’t mean anything. Momentary lapse, I’ll finish it tonight.”

She smiles then, the tiny dimple in the corner of her mouth suddenly more malicious than endearing. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work out for you. Jared was on his way out when I came in. Something about staying with Chad the rest of the semester? I don’t know, he was rushing too fast for me to get it all.”

“He left? But he can’t leave!” Jensen startles, jumping up and dragging on the clothes he had thrown hastily on the floor the night before in his rush to lay in bed and sulk.

“Where the hell are you going? He’s gone, Jensen. You lost. Suck it up and hand me the keys to my new car,” Danneel demands, wiggling her fingers at him patronizingly.

“I can’t lose,” Jensen insists and then stops. He looks at her for a moment and emotion surges through him suddenly. “I can’t lose him.”

He runs out the door so fast he doesn’t see her face fall.

**********

Jensen races the Impala down the pathway leading away from the mansion and heads toward where he thinks Jared will have gone. His blood is thrumming in his veins and he doesn’t understand it, doesn’t know why all he can think about is stopping Jared from leaving. It’s not like they won’t see each other in school the next day, but somehow Jared leaving this place means something too horribly monumental for him to think about. This house had come to represent their relationship, a place for them to cocoon themselves away from the gossip and the games and the lies. Jensen bites down on the inside of his cheek, the physical pain helping to dull the guilt that comes from realizing he was the creator of the very thing they were hiding from.

It shouldn’t matter to him, but it does, and he pushes back the question of what that means for another time when he can focus on his own mental mendacity.

He sees the car pulled off the side of the road in front of him and squeezes the wheel with a silent thanks to whatever managed to sideline Jared before he could leave Jensen completely.

Jensen stops the car and hops out, approaching Jared quickly. The driver is busy checking under the hood and Jared is leaning up against the passenger side door, hand scrubbing back and forth across his face.

“Jared!” he calls out, suddenly unsure.

Jared’s eyes widen as he approaches. “What are you doing here, Jensen?”

Jensen walks over to him and Jared stands up to his full height as a defense mechanism. “Why did you leave?”

Jared’s skin flushes slightly and he looks away. “I thought it would be best if I stayed with Chad for the rest of the semester. I don’t want you to think that you have to avoid your uncle’s house because of me.”

“Why would I want to avoid you, Jared?” Jensen murmurs, his hand coming up to tentatively touch Jared’s forearm crossed tightly against his chest.

Jared looks back at the driver, who is pointedly attempting to not look at them. He grabs Jensen by the shoulders and drags him back closer to the Impala. “Jensen, this is hard for me, okay? Last night was hard for me. I wanted to be with you and you pushed me away. Don’t you see how awkward that is?”

Jared’s voice is a harsh whisper and Jensen wants to smooth it back out again to the honey drawl. “Jared, I was going to come to you today. Tell you how sorry I was for leaving you like that. I wanted to tell you that I was scared.”

Jared swallows heavily. “Me too, Jensen. You scare the fuck out of me.”

Jensen touches his face, tenderly, in a way he’s probably never touched anyone before. “I want you, Jared. Just you. Only you. Let me make it up to you. Let me show you.”

Jared twists his fingers in Jensen’s rumpled shirt, closing his eyes and then opening them again. “I want to believe you, Jensen. I swear I do.”

“Then believe me.”

They look at each other, lost for a length of time that Jensen can’t begin to measure.

Jensen rests his forehead against Jared’s, his hand cradling his neck. “Let’s go somewhere, a hotel. Just us, no one else.”

Jared huffs a bit, but doesn’t move his head. “I’m not a hooker, Jensen.”

A smile twists Jensen’s mouth. “Nah, you’re too classy for that. I think they call them ‘escorts’ nowadays.”

Jared attempts a pout, but Jensen wipes it away with his tongue. Jared pushes into his mouth, teeth knocking and breath mingling. After a minute of standing there panting, Jared finally responds, “Let’s go.”

*********

Jensen’s had a lot of sex. Breasts full and ripe and aching nubs just sprung from puberty. Pretty boys who whine like puppies when he pushes into them and rough men who rub harsh stubble over the back of his neck as they fuck him. He is experienced. He’s proud of it, revels in it. His mouth and fingers and cock and ass are prizes he bestows on people because he can, because he wants to. He decides how and when and how much. He is never out of control, never unsure. Confidence burns inside of him like a birthright.

He recites all of this to himself as he stares down at Jared. The boy is lying naked on king-sized bed in the Waldorf Astoria, trembling like a newborn colt. Jensen feels overwhelmed suddenly and he’s not exactly sure why.

“Jensen,” Jared mumbles, his face suddenly unsure as Jensen pauses over him.

He never wants to see that look on Jared’s face again and it stirs him into action. Lowering himself until they are touching from lips to toes, Jensen claims his mouth. Jared moans into the kiss, his legs parting instinctively, letting Jensen sink deeper against him. Their naked cocks slide against each other and it’s like an electric current flows through them.

“Please, Jensen, I need…” Jared pleads, and Jensen’s not even sure he knows how to finish the sentence.

“I know, Jared, I know. I promise,” Jensen breathes back and he says it without knowing exactly what it is he’s promising.

They grind frantically against each other like the teenagers they are until Jensen pulls back, not wanting it to be over too quickly. He kisses down Jared’s torso as slow as molasses, tongue swirling over his pink nipples until they coil tight. He tugs them between his teeth just to hear Jared groan. He continues his path down, face rubbing on the edges of pubic hair, nose pressed against the sharp cut of his pelvis.

Jensen pushes his face farther down by Jared’s balls and takes in a deep breath, filling his nostrils with the scent. Jared mewls as he drags his tongue in one long swipe up his cock and Jensen shivers with the knowledge that he’s the very first person who’s ever seen or tasted or smelled this. He wants it to be so good, to be the thing Jared remembers at night when he’s lying alone in his bed or fondling himself in the shower. With that goal in his head, Jensen sinks down Jared’s cock in one swift movement, until the tip is touching the back of his throat.

“Holy fuck!” Jared yells, hips snapping up involuntarily. Jensen gags a tiny bit with that and Jared starts apologizing, his hands petting Jensen’s head.

Jensen laughs around the dick in his mouth and the vibrations drag another groan out of Jared. He continues on happily, spit dripping down his chin, hand working in tandem with little twisting motions. It doesn’t take long before come is flooding his mouth and he drinks it down like it’s fucking champagne at New Years.

He crawls back up Jared’s body and presses their lips together. He opens his mouth and works his tongue in, letting Jared taste himself. Jared sucks on his tongue like he’s starving and Jensen is almost too strung out to reach over to the supplies he’d put on the nightstand. The click of the lube bottle opening is almost too loud in the silence and Jared starts blinking nervously.

“Do you trust me?” Jensen murmurs into his mouth, slick fingers sliding between Jared’s thighs and hovering over his opening.

Jared relaxes then, his newly satisfied body sinking into the bed as he nods his head.

Jensen rubs his nose over the planes of Jared’s cheekbones, trying to soothe him as he presses the tip of one finger inside of him. Jared tenses again but Jensen whispers encouraging words and kisses his face as he keeps going up to the second knuckle. He pries Jared’s mouth open, tongue massaging, as his finger twists and rubs along his insides. It’s hot, so hot, and Jensen wants to sink into him so badly he thinks he might die from it.

One finger becomes two and then three when Jared starts fucking himself down on to Jensen’s hand. He finally pulls out and Jared squeals in protest like someone just kicked his dog.

Jensen pushes him gently on his side as he grabs the condom, ripping it open with his teeth and rolling it onto himself gingerly so he doesn’t come before even getting inside Jared.

“Wanna see you,” Jared insists, peering over his shoulder at Jensen behind him.

Jensen kisses the back of his neck, sweaty now with exertion. “It’ll be easier this way for the first time. Trust me, remember?”

Jared nods silently again as Jensen lines himself up and pushes slowly inside. They moan in unison as Jensen bottoms out.

“Jensen, god,” Jared pants, his eyes squeezed shut as he tries to adjust to the sensation. Jensen presses tightly against him from behind, spooning him, and stays absolutely still. He knows what it’s like, the burn, the feeling of fullness that is on the flipside of too much. After a moment Jared’s grip around his cock relaxes enough that he takes it as a sign to start moving. Before long they set up a rhythm and Jared throws his head back to let Jensen bite down on the long column of his throat. Their hands clutch together, pressing against Jared’s heart as Jensen pounds against his prostate.

Jared is coming untouched then, so suddenly that it startles Jensen into coming as well, filling the condom with a desperate shudder.

The only sound in the room is their heavy breathing as they come down from the high. Jensen wants to keep himself buried in Jared forever, to hold him, to keep him safe, to make him feel like he’s the most important person in the world.

“Thank you,” Jared says, and his voice is so earnest and full of love that it turns Jensen instantly nauseous. That voice deserves someone who understands what it means to care about someone other than himself. That voice deserves a better person than Jensen.

Jensen can’t bring himself to let go though. He presses himself even closer, seemingly impossible considering how they are connected. He closes his eyes and presses a kiss to the purpling bruise he bit into Jared’s shoulder, wishing he could erase the blatant mark of possession from someone that he doesn’t deserve to possess.

He’ll figure this out tomorrow. He’ll see Danneel and she’ll remind him of the game. Her voice will wash out Jared’s voice and he’ll remember who he is. He is powerful and strong and completely in control. He’s Jensen fucking Ackles.

A sense of calm fills him as he hears Jared snoring softly.

 

**********

“You should really learn to lock your door,” Jensen smirks, pushing into Danneel’s bedroom. He leans his body against the doorframe and stares at her lying prone on the bed. A lump shivers under the covers.

“Come out, come out, whoever you are” he sing-songs at the lump, as Danneel rolls her eyes.

“Fuck, Jake stop hiding like a child,” Danneel huffs, pulling the covers off of a mostly naked Jake Abel.

Jake jumps off the bed and starts hurriedly pulling on his clothes as Jensen glances back and forth from him to Danneel with amusement. Jensen stops him with one hand to his chest before he can run out and the boy is shocked into stillness.

Jensen traces one finger over Jake’s pouty bottom lip, pressing in the tip until his finger is slowly fucking against his tongue. He continues like that until Jake is bright red from the roots of his hair to the top of his ribs. With a wicked smile, Jensen withdraws his finger and shuts Jake’s mouth with his open palm. “Maybe next time,” he purrs and Jake runs out like he’s on fire.

Danneel is lounging back against her pillows with a practiced bored expression. “You have such bad timing, Jensen. I’d finally managed to teach the kid how to write the alphabet with his tongue.”

“Slumming again, I see,” Jensen tsks, crawling into bed with her and laying his head down on her admittedly ample bosom.

She changes the subject to more pressing matters, her voice light. “Speaking of slumming, I take it that you have news for me?”

Jensen pauses, part of him not wanting to give away what he and Jared shared. He pushes the thought away. “Mission accomplished.”

She slides her fingers through his hair and tilts his head back with a slight pull. “So I take it you’re here to claim your prize?”

Her body is warm against his, her breath sweet on his face. It’s all wrong.

Jensen pulls away quickly, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I’m a little tired, sorry. Maybe next time.”

He can practically feel the silence behind him as it stretches out for what seems like forever. Finally, she speaks, her voice like ice. “You’re in love with him.”

Jensen needs to deny it, needs to turn around and smash the words right back into her mouth. “It’s a bet, Danneel. Jared’s just a bet.”

She curls around him from behind, resting her head against his shoulder. “You don’t love me anymore, do you?” she whispers in his ear. She rubs her lips over the side of his neck and he flinches.

“That’s ridiculous, Danni,” he replies, his voice, like his body, tightly wound. She slides her hands around his waist and palms his cock through his pants.

“What do you think is going to happen with you and Jared? Think he’s going to come running out of the closet for you? Mister Macho Jock? Mister Chastity Ring? You’re a fucking legend in this school, Jensen, but for all the reasons that would make him run screaming from you. Yeah, he’s high on it now. Your mouth around his cock, your dick in his ass. I bet he begged you so pretty, didn’t he? Little whimpers when you fucked him? I love you Jensen, I bet he said, thank you Jensen.”

Her voice is low and dangerous and it makes him ache. “How do you know all that?”

“We’re the same person, Jensen. Two sides of the same coin. He doesn’t understand you like I do.” She runs her tongue up the side of his neck as she strokes him harder.

“I could be the kind of person he deserves. I could try.” His voice cracks and she chuckles into his hair. He doesn’t believe it any more than she does.

“Are you going to chance destroying your reputation on the off chance this miracle change happens? What about his reputation. You willing to make a bet on that?”

Jensen pushes her off, standing up and striding out of the room just so he can breathe again.

 

**********

“Jensen!” Jared beams as he pulls open the door of his room at Jeff’s house. His face is an unbearable mixture of glee and bashfulness and Jensen can’t decide whether he wants to kiss him or punch him.

Jared curls into him, pressing his face to Jensen’s neck to feel the thump of his jugular. His big hands are clutching Jensen’s shirt until Jensen slowly peels them away and steps inside the room.

Jared looks unsure then, but the dimples return in full force. He shakes himself like he had a bad thought but forced it away. Jensen wishes….well, Jensen wishes a lot of things.

“Jeff’s not here right now,” Jared grins, going over to stretch out on the bed. He holds out a hand to Jensen, willing him to come join him.

Jensen stays where he is, his face a mask. “Jared, I don’t think I can see you anymore.”

There it is. The first words are always the hardest. It’s easier to ignore the taste after the first bitter swallow.

A thousand different emotions flitter across Jared’s face as he jumps back up and moves towards Jensen. “Jensen, what are you talking about? Don’t be silly.”

“I wanted to fuck you Jared. Now that I have, I don’t think it’s worth much more of my time,” Jensen recites, voice a monotone.

Jared’s entire body is trembling. “Jensen, you’re scared. I understand, I do. But I love you. I wanted to say it last night, but I didn’t know how.”

“That’s nice, Jared. But sadly, how you feel is beyond my control.”

Jared moves to him, clutching him by the shoulders, trying to use his height as a weapon, but his shoulders are too slouched for it to work. “I don’t believe you, Jensen. You love me, I know you do. I felt it, I feel it now.”

“There is someone I love. And she is very special to me. She understands me. You don’t even know me.” Jensen’s eyes are closed and he lets Jared shake him like a ragdoll.

Jared pulls away suddenly like Jensen is on fire and lets out a deafening sob before rearing back and punching him in the face. Jensen keeps his eyes shut, letting Jared have this. Jensen deserves far worse than anything Jared could ever do to him.

He fingers his swollen jaw lightly and looks at Jared one last time. “I hope you find what you are looking for, Jared. I really do.”

“Fuck you, you son of a bitch! Get away from me. I can’t even look at you!” Jared screams, tears streaming down his face. Jensen has never seen a look of such anguish before and it makes him flinch. Turning around quickly, he leaves before he can do any more damage.

 

**********

“We really need to have a conversation about private space, Jensen,” Danneel says, coming into the room to find him sitting ramrod straight on the edge of her bed.

He schools his expression into one of nonchalance but his head is bursting. “I ended it with Jared.”

Something flickers over her face but he can’t quite place it. Surprise? Happiness? It’s only there for a second and then is gone. “Did you now? Why would you do that?”

His jaw clenches. “You know why.”

She walks over to him, fingering the bruise that had spread to half his cheek. “Looks like it didn’t go too well.”

“He was….devastated.”

The flicker again as her hand drops to her side. “Well, I’d love to chat but I have an appointment to get to.”

“Oh, you mean your little tryst with Jake? Yeah, I don’t think he’s going to be making that. You see, he’s currently about six inches deep in the lovely Miss McNiven in a suite at the Waldorf. I hear it’s a great place to celebrate young love.” Bile rises up in his throat but he keeps his voice steady.

She closes her eyes for a half second too long and it feels like a victory. “What do you want, Jensen?”

He stands up then and curls his arm forcefully around her waist. “I’m here to claim my prize. Right. Now.”

Danneel’s fingernails dig into the forearm that connects them and he holds back a hiss. “I don’t feel like it.”

His other arm comes forward as he slides both hands to her hips. “I don’t care what you feel like.”

Her face smooths out then, going from a snarl to placidity. She runs a thumb across his cheek and it comes back wet. He is crying and he doesn't even realize it. He drops his hands and goes over to the chaise.

“You love him, Jensen. You love him so fucking much you can barely see straight and yet you gave him up. You probably fucking destroyed him.”

His breath hitches and he shuts his eyes. Her words are like daggers and he lets them rip him apart. “Fine, go ahead and celebrate. You beat Jared, you won.”

She laughs then and the sound is light, clashing with the hostility in the air. “Oh, I won, that’s for sure. But it’s not Jared that I beat.”

Jensen opens his eyes then, staring at her with confusion. “What are you talking about?”

She doesn’t move because she doesn’t need to. Even standing five feet away it’s like she is reaching right into his chest and squeezing. “It’s you, Jensen. I beat you.”

Realization smashes directly into his head then and he can barely breathe past the nausea rising inside of him. He’s dizzy with guilt and regret and yet his mind has a clarity to it that it’s never had before. He stares at Danneel then, willing her to reassure him, to tell him that his entire existence is more than a pointless game of cunning and chance

Her mouth curls into a smile and he rushes past her, running out the door.

 

*********

Jensen presses his palm to Jeff’s front door. It’s late, a school night, and graduation is so close he can taste it. He could let it be. Accept the enormity of what he has become and try to live with it. Go back to Danneel and continue their path of enablement until one or both of them push too far and break. Take his trust fund and his perfect face and live a life of entitlement and greed and naked bodies like a million rich kids before him. If he knocks on the door he’s admitting that he doesn’t want that. That he’s sorry for the actions of this shell he’s become. That the world he thought he was king of was nothing more than an illusion created by children playacting adult fantasies. That he would be fine if the Jensen he presented to everyone ceased to exist.

He knocks on the door.

It takes a while for Jeff to open the door and when he does the look in his eyes tells Jensen instantly that he knows everything that happened between him and Jared. The sheer disappointment in them steals Jensen’s breath and he feels tears prickling at the backs of his eyes.

Jeff leans stiffly against the doorframe. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough, Jensen?”

Jensen chokes back a gasp at the harsh words said in such a weary, stoic voice. “Please, I need to see him. I need to tell him that I’m sorry.”

Jeff’s eyebrows shoot up at that. “Sorry, Jensen? Sorry? How could you saying sorry do anything more than rub salt in the wounds?”

It was like a knife in his gut. Jeff has always loved him, stood up for him, been proud of him when his own father didn’t even bother noticing where he was living half the time. He’s the last connection to Jensen’s mother and having that tainted with the realization of how vile Jensen is makes shame rise in him so fully that he thinks it will suffocate him.

“You’re right,” Jensen starts, throat seizing. “I’ve done so many things wrong that apologizing can’t even begin to atone for it. And knowing that you are finally seeing me for what I really am hurts me worse than anything I could ever imagine feeling. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Jensen. I hate what you’ve become.”

Tears fall freely down Jensen’s cheeks now as he pulls a flash drive from his pocket. “This contains a record of everything I’ve ever done. I used to think that it would be something I could look back on with pride, when I was old and wanted to celebrate how fucking triumphant I was. Like I was special because I was better than everyone. Because I didn’t need anyone.” He pauses, looking at Jeff. “I’m not special at all and I can’t be this person anymore.”

He pushes the drive into Jeff’s hands, shaking as he realizes that it’s both his absolution and his suicide note. There can be no going back from the ugliness that will be revealed--to Jeff, to Jared, to everyone. “Tell Jared I love him. That he’s the only thing that ever felt real to me. That I wish I could spend the rest of my life proving that I’m worth him.”

Jeff’s eyes flash with alarm at the fatalism in Jensen’s voice as he continues. “But the boy on that drive doesn’t deserve him or anyone else. I’m sorry, Jeff. Tell him I’m sorry.”

“Jensen!” he calls out as Jensen runs down the steps.

 

**********

Danneel smoothes down her forest green graduation gown as she takes the podium, heels clacking, sleek auburn hair bouncing against her shoulders. She curls her perfectly manicured fingers around the sides of the wood and stares out at the mass of students and parents waiting for her to begin speaking. She pauses, breathes in the attention, then turns to the large sized photograph standing up next to the stand.

Jensen.

She swallows hard. Graduation day has arrived, finally, after everything, and instead of a coronation it’s become a requiem instead. Today was supposed to be the first day of their real lives and yet here she stands alone, the only person who saw every facet of her dead by his own hand. The betrayal is so keen that it feels like battery acid being poured down her throat.

She had loved him from the very first moment. Face so beautiful that she had been almost jealous of its elegance. Voice warm even when the words were sharp. A shared understanding that the only way to control the world was to create your own rules and then make everyone else live faithfully within them. A promise of a time when they could create something more, something deeper. Or so she had thought.

She hadn’t minded when he fucked both Matt and his mother in the same day because he thought going back to the Cohen house twice would be a waste of time. She had smiled proudly when he had devastated poor little Alona so badly she begged to be sent to boarding school in Switzerland. She had even been amused when he bent Ms. Gamble over that stupid mahogany desk she loved so much, just because he could. It was all a game, a merry-go-round of conquests and increasingly intricate deception. It was just a way to bide their time until they could graduate and consume the real world in all its liberating glory.

She had planned to give herself to him (and take all of him for herself) whether he won the bet or not. What would it matter that he fucked some idiotic virgin boy? How could that possibly mean as much to him as the past they had shared and the future they had yet to imagine? And yet something had happened to Jensen, something she couldn’t begin to comprehend, and she knew he was slipping away from her. So that’s when she knew what she had to do. She had to break him first. He needed to shatter into a million mirrored shards so she could sit on the floor and slowly glue him back together. And then when that was done he would do the same thing for her and they would look at each other through the cracks that they created and see nothing but a shared lifetime of pain and love.

She clears her throat. “Fellow students, parents, faculty members, it’s my honor to stand here today, not just as Winchester Prep’s valedictorian, but also as a representative of my family during this difficult time. I wish my brother Jensen was with us today, but I know he’s looking down on all of us proudly.”

There’s a commotion at the back of the auditorium and Danneel pauses. Her perfect brows furrow in confusion as she sees Genevieve start up the aisle with arms full of what look like bound notebooks. She starts passing them out to people towards the front before looking right at Danneel with dark, angry eyes. She spins around, only to see Julie behind her handing the same pages out to the faculty sitting on stage. A murmur goes up throughout the room as the guests start flipping through the pages.

Her face starts to heat up as she feels eyes boring into her and she grabs a notebook out of Julie’s hands just to see what the hell is going on. She gasps at what she sees.

It’s everything. All the games and the lies and the drugs and the sex right there in black and white for everyone to see. She flips furiously through the pages, her eyes blurring with hot tears when she realizes these are Jensen’s words, Jensen’s memories of their life together. The only thing she has left of him, of them, is bitter condemnation. Knowing that hurts so bad she feels her entire being ripping apart at the seams.

Headmaster Kripke grabs her wrist then, gesturing at the dainty gold charm bracelet she wears everyday, hung with three tiny hearts full of one bump of cocaine each. “Get your hands off me!” she hisses. “You’re in there too, you fucking pervert!”

He flushes straight across his balding head as she rushes down the steps of the stage. She’s going to run out of there, do a few lines, go home and roll around in Jensen’s bed until the scent of him is gone from his pillows and she can rip them apart with scissors and forget he ever existed. She’s stopped though, by the line of people blocking the aisle. She sees Genevieve looking at her with righteous indignation, one hand clutching delicately to a smug Tom Welling’s muscled forearm; Misha slumping in a chair nearby, the only one with genuine tears; Mrs. Harris Kane Manns Carlson Ackles’ delicately suited back already walking out the door without so much as an “Are you alright, darling?”

Tears fall freely down round porcelain cheeks, but she holds her head high. With a nod at the people judging her, she makes her way slowly out of the auditorium and begins planning how to live utterly on her own.

**********

EPILOGUE

“About time you got here. I need a big strong man to help me push these beds together,” Jensen deadpans, stretching languidly out on the twin pressed alongside one wall of the dorm room.

Jared smiles from the doorway and for a minute it’s like all the sunshine in California has filtered right through his face. Jensen wants to stick his thumbs in those dimples and pull Jared’s lips right to his.

“Dean Smith, huh?” Jared reads off his student transcript, cocking one eyebrow as he dropped his bag next to the desk.

“It was the most provincial thing I could come up with on short notice,” Jensen smirks, sitting up and holding out his hand. Jared takes it and straddles him on the bed. The fit is tight and Jared is just a shade too heavy, but it makes the awkward pressure in Jensen’s chest evaporate almost immediately. Yes, they had made the right decision.

“I missed you,” Jared says, his voice soft, lips pressing against Jensen’s without intent.

“It’s only been a few weeks,” Jensen murmurs, but he understands. A summer spent hiding together in the south of France as Jared did “mission work” makes perception of time a lot more ambiguous.

Jared’s eyes turn sad then, and Jensen wants to kiss the expression right off his face. “Do you ever regret it? I mean, you’re a different person now. You have a different life.”

Jensen pauses, and tries to remember before. He remembers the night he showed up on his Uncle Jeff’s doorstep. He remembers the aching pain in his chest at the realization that he had destroyed the only thing good about his miserable life. He remembers thinking that all he wanted to do was kill Jensen Ackles, the boy who delighted in pain because he mistook it for joy. He remembers Jeff stopping him from running and devising a way to let him die. He remembers Jared forgiving him and allowing him to live again.

His breath catches in his throat at the memories. He can’t pretend that it didn’t hurt to think his father would rather have the sympathy of a dead son instead of the shame of a scandalized one. But the weight of Jared in his lap brings him back to this moment. Their new beginning. He smiles the dopiest grin he’d ever given and drags Jared to his mouth.

“I love you, Jared Padalecki,” he announces, firmly, without regret.

“I love you, Dean Smith,” Jared replies, trying to hold back a guffaw and failing miserably.

They tumble back onto a twin bed in a nondescript dorm room in Palo Alto, nothing to worry about except freshman English and whether or not it’s tacky to wear sandals. Jensen pushes Jared’s shirt up and places his lips against his abdomen. Jared’s breath releases on a sigh. Jensen smiles.

It’s enough.


End file.
